My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
