you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
