Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just cut my nipple shaving
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Drake has all the answers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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