glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
