So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
