Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fill condoms, not promises.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
