Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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