yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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