College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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