I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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