btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
