just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You made out with two different species that night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
