i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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