My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize