His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
