Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
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I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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