a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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