You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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