oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
