Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
