Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
