He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
