areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
