I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
