Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
