We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
