No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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