I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
