Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
