He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
