I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
