everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
