Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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