i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
