Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
