I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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