I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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