i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
