never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
