Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
