why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
