do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
