I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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