the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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