sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
