she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
