try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
