Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
