When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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