The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
