I can tuck mytits in my pants
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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