i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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