I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
