i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize