Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize