it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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