Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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