My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
