Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize