My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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