Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
