You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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