Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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