Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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