Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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